Paul Lafrance’s 10 Commandments of Decking
Canadians have a special relationship with the outdoors, and therefore, they "should" have a special relationship with their decks.
Today I am going to take the time, to expound on a topic that many people don’t think about, likely because they are not as “eccentric” as I am. That being said, the jury is out on whether my eccentricity is cunning, witty and charming, or the acts of a raving lunatic! I’m fine with any of the above. Canadians have a special relationship with the outdoors, and therefore, they "should" have a special relationship with their decks. Rather than just seeing them as a utilitarian platform from which they can take in nature’s splendour, I am suggesting, with my tongue buried firmly in my cheek, that this relationship should be more symbiotic. The deck should be revered, loved, and perhaps even worshipped, because that is when we will truly understand the abundance of its gifts to us mere mortals. Envision a world, where these talking points became law. The world of outdoor living would be a much better place, or at the very least, that much more scintillating. Without further ado, I bring you the 10 Commandments of Decking!
You shall have no other decks before me.
Much like our significant others, who prefer we see them as the wind beneath our wings, our decks feel the same way. Our current deck, does not want to hear about how big our previous deck was, or how sleek. The only thing that matters is how beautiful and vivacious (did I really just refer to a deck as vivacious?) it is.
You shall not make idols.
If the Houzz and Pinterest pictures you are stockpiling don’t point back to your deck, you might be in trouble. All roads should lead back to your deck. You may have thought the tiny picture slots in your wallet were for your kids and pets, guess again!
You shall not take the name of your deck in vain.
Like every other normal individual, I, too, have named my deck. Often I find myself in less than favourable situations, where I have stubbed my toe or jammed my hand in the car door. For odd reasons, unbeknownst to me, at the tip of my tongue are words that should never be uttered against my deck. Our decks have done nothing but loved us, through the good and bad. Respect the deck.
Remember the deck day, and keep it holy.
There should be one day a week, that is commemorated as deck day. This day should be observed religiously, barring a zombie apocalypse. Remember folks, the “true” pursuit to one’s happiness lies within their deck.
Honour your deck boards and your gazebo.
I’m not saying you should do anything weird here, but enjoying a lovely dinner with your deck goes a long way. This is the perfect opportunity to show your deck that you care. Shower it with presents. Even the little things count. Dress it up for those special occasions. This is where you can use Houzz and Pinterest for ideas, without repercussions. Oh, and giving your deck a nice sudsy rubdown every now and then will speak volumes.
You shall not murder your deck.
I think this one needs no explanation. Duh!
You shall not commit deck adultery.
So many times, without even giving it a second thought, we find ourselves in very precarious situations. What starts out as a very innocent dinner party, quickly turns into a night of torrid regret, when your host asks you to join them out on their deck for a night of drinks and riveting conversation. I’m not saying you shouldn’t set foot on another deck, just be careful how you throw around compliments. Our decks can be very jealous, if even a hint of indulgence has been detected. You might find yourself planning the next family social event at the local park.
You shall not steal.
Unless you are stealing time away from something else so you can spend more quality time with your deck.
You shall not bear false witness against your deck.
If your deck, is somehow caught up in a feud with neighbouring decks, you lie, kill, steal or cheat for it. I know, all commandments previous to this one advised against that but when the chips are down, you do whatever it takes! Protect your deck!
You shall not covet another deck.
Why covet another, when you have a good deck at home!